OMG, Women, Dale, and Alex

I know...Its been a couple of days since either of the Kendall's have posted. I know many of our faithful readers continually refresh their browser to see when a new post hits. Sorry for all of that wasted clicking. Since the last post some things have happened. The Kendalls no longer share a roof (but we still share a first name). Both of the Kendalls stopped going to college. We got diplomas but thats only becuase our fantastic looks always got us good grades. Global warming happened. We got a (half)black president. One of the Kendalls entered the holy union of matrimony and his 3 year anniversary is tomorrow. This special ocasion has merited this post that is dedicated to the less fair sex.

I would like to discuss some industries and items that would never have come about if it weren't for the ladies in the world.

Vegitables beside potatoes
Anything scented
Decorations
Bracelets
Anything used to shave or cut hair
Those sissy things used to put food into your mouth that aren't knives
Clothing not made of animal hides
Blogs
Celine Dion
All food network shows besides the one with Giada


I could go on but its making me sick to type so many un-manly words. If you look around, 90% of things would be completely different if it weren't for the women. And for that women...the Kendalls thank you.

To change the topic...let it be known that just becuase your name is Kendall, doesn't mean you are "A Kendall". You have to be strikingly handsome, passionate, good natured, and a blood relative to the current Kendalls. This excludes the other Kendall that I met a while ago. This Kendall gave me a bad vibe and for a minute I was ashamed to share something as intimate as a name with him. This Kendall is the kind of person that people don't like. When I'm king I will require him to change his name to something lame like Dale. Remember Dale? He was lame.

The Kendall would like to give Alex Trabek an award for chasing down that burgler. Although he got hurt and didn't catch her, and it was a her(age 56), and he was mainly upset becuase he lost a bracelet(see above list)...on second though, award revoked. He doesn't deserve anything. I'm sick of how smug he is and how he always pronounces foreign words with an accent. C'mon Alex. Your an American...not Giada. And you got rid of your best attribute, that slick mostache. Had you not shaved it off, I bet you would have cought that lady that was older than many grandmas.

The TP Debate Continues

Unless your name is Pocahontas or Squanto, TP is not a place where you sleep at night. It is an all to familiar drain on your bank account. We cant live without it. I tried last week with negative results.
In my opinion it is one of the most poorly designed products on the market. We see advertisements with fluffy cartoon bears playing and rolling around feathery streams of toilet paper. They seem to say "its so soft I cant even tell I'm wiping". They advertise that the rolls are 30 percent longer with squares to spare. They make us feel so good about taking a crap. Thats all fine and great, but they fail to address, in my opinion, the most important element of bathroom tissue. The strength. How can they overlook such and important part of the product.
Bounty, Ford Trucks, Secret brand deodorant, all of these products advertise strength, and since I cant wipe with an F-250(thats a nice mental image), I would love the TP brands to address this subject. We all experience the occasional "rip-through" and it tends to ruin the day. "Yeah, well I won the lottery, Shakira called and asked me out to the Grammys, but I had a rip-through around 7:30 so I've been in a bad mood ever since."
Why not have a strength rating right on the package. 1 could be, "Recommend for those with stubby fingers who cant lift above 15 pounds, and a 10 could be "Chuck Norris tried to rip-through this and broke his wrist". So listen up Angel Soft, Charmin, and Sit and Smile(yes that is a real brand of toilet paper), we've had enough and we aren't going to take it (in the hole) anymore.-Kendall Green

If that's what you're in to